Pros And Cons of Dating a Widower
Dating a widower is quite different from your usual dating experience as the person’s experience do have a huge role in subsequent love life. The loss of a spouse is a traumatic experience that might stay with the person for a very long time but this doesn’t mean you can not build a happy relationship together with him.
The loss of his spouse will change his approach towards relationships and if he had a happy marriage, it might take time before he fully adjusts to a new relationship.
Pros of Dating a Widower
1. You get to be with someone who appreciates life
The loss of his spouse would leave him with an appreciation of life. He realizes how short life can be and holds on to the beautiful things life has to offer.
2. You get to be with someone who values you in his life
The loss of a precious one can be very painful and heartbreaking. He might regret not cherishing her as much as he should have before she passed away. Therefore, when another woman he loves enters his life, he would be more than willing to do anything to prove that he cherishes her as much as she should be cherished.
3. You get to be with a man who prefers spending time with you
He’s less likely to spend time doing things that do not matter. Hence, you get to be with a man who loves spending time with you than on unnecessary activities.
Cons of Dating a Widower
1. You might be competing with a memory
A widower is very different from a divorcee. A widower didn’t get a choice. His spouse didn’t decide to leave him. Death ripped them apart; hence it might be very difficult for him to get over her. He might love you but you might end up feeling inadequate. You might feel overwhelmed trying to fill up the hole in his heart and this might affect your new relationship.
2. He might still be in love with his wife
If he is still in love with his wife and not letting her go, it might be difficult to start a healthy relationship. Even worse, you might be a rebound or a consolation prize to him and it might not be intentional on his part.
3. Refusal to publicly acknowledge you
With the loss of his spouse, he might be feeling guilty for being in another relationship and subsequently feel ashamed to introduce you to his family and friends. He might even end up introducing you as someone else or not even introduce you at all.
Tips for Dating a Widower
Dating a widower is not an easy task. It's important to know, however, that it can be done even if you are the first woman this man has dated since the death of his spouse. Here are some helpful tips to make dating work.
Try to communicate with him even when it’s difficult to do so. Most men find it hard to express their hurt to family and friends but might be willing to be expressive to someone they care about. So, if he’s ready to talk about the hurt and grief, listen to him.
If you think he’s using you as a consolation for his loss and always bringing up times with his late spouse, it might be best to discuss with him. Try to tell him how you feel and you can decide if you wish to go long-term or not.
A widower might still be attached to his late spouse and might end up bringing up times with her regularly or might sometimes draw up open comparisons about how his late spouse was perfect for him. It’s best to watch out for such red flags. Getting overwhelmed with grief at the memory of a late spouse can occur but constantly bringing her up at every opportunity should sound an alarm. He might just be using you as a consolation prize and you deserve better than that.
Treat children with care
When dating a widower with children, it’s best to keep in mind that you are not trying to replace their mother. They might feel possessive of their father and jealousy or resentment might even arise. When such happens, it’s best to take things slow and aim at being their friend first.
Once they start getting comfortable with you being their friend, it might be easy to later see you as a motherly figure.
Widowers have been through a lot; therefore, patience and understanding are required when dealing with them on an emotional level. There would be a lot of obstacles to climb, and it is best that while putting in the effort, you make sure not to lose yourself. Remember, the right person is worth crossing mountains for, no matter how high.
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Is it easy dating a widower?
Dating a widower might prove to be a challenge at first especially if he’s emotionally attached to his late spouse. However, this might not be a problem if you both feel the same about each other. Communication can smoothen the edges of your new relationship.
Is a widower capable of love in a new relationship?
Yes. His late spouse might forever live in his heart but he’ll still be able to love you as much as you should be loved. As someone with a heavy loss, he understands how short life is and would likely spend it with people he loves.